Doing my best to resist the temptations

Unfortunately this picture is not old. It was taken Saturday night... Yes, after three whole days without smoking a single cigarette, I had one on Saturday night and the reason is pretty obvious: alcohol!! If I learned anything from that night, it's that I haven't been cigarette-free long enough for me not to enjoy one when I smoke. I wasn't disgusted by the smell or the taste and didn't feel atrociously guilty after smoking it... But I learned my lesson. And I did have someone take a photo so that I wouldn't be able to deny it.
Quitting smoking is a process that encompasses so much more than just not smoking. You also have to avoid temptations. That includes not drinking and hanging out with your smoker friends for a while... At least those are the worst temptations for me at this point. So, okay I failed at not smoking when drinking but I did a pretty good job at resisting temptation #2: watching someone smoke without lighting one...
Last night, I had dinner at a friend's restaurant and at the end of the night, after what could definitely be called a feast, my friend turned off the window lights and closed the place for the night. He sat down at our table, right in front of me and lit a cigarette. AAARRRGGG!!!! I look at my girl sitting next to me and gave her the look... That look that says: OMG he did NOT just light a cigarette in front of me, indoors, after a huge meal!! It was hard. Very hard. I still crave cigarettes but I usually manage to get over it within a minute or two. But that was just torture. I reached for his pack and grabbed one. "Don't do it!" they all say... I held it between my fingers and looked at it closely. I smelt it and started tapping it on the table as if I was about to light it. Then, I put it back on top of my friend's pack. He was still smoking his at this point and all I could smell was the smoke, which was not even appealing to me. But yet, I wanted to smoke! I looked away for a while, then grabbed the cigarette again and went through the same cycle. As soon as he was done with it, I knew there was no way I was going to smoke if no one else was. So I put it back in the pack. And within seconds, it was like it never happened. Victory!!!
Having someone next to me to remind me not to smoke was very helpful too. Thanks Mama ;)
Since I could be cigarette-free for almost a week if it wasn't for my fuck up on Saturday night, my next goal is to not touch one for a whole week!

Days until my birthday: 47
Days without a cigarette: 3

Today is the day...

That's what I told myself this morning. Today is the day I'm going to stay away from cigarettes. It's funny how much motivation you can have when you wake up in the morning and how it totally fades away as the day goes by. Well, that didn't happen today!! I did not smoke a single cigarette woohoo!!!!
But it wasn't without its difficulties... At 8:30am, all smiles and looking forward to a smoke-free day --that meant no smoke break at work and somehow I was just in a great mood, huh?-- I'm enjoying listening to music and reading in the bus, when this guy sat next to me. And guess what?? Yeah, he smelled like cigarettes... Yikes. I never liked the smell of cigarette in the morning, not even on myself so that just sucked. But anyway, I realized it didn't even make me want to light one when I get off the bus, like I usually do when I work in the morning. So at this point, it's Cigarettes: 0; Sab:1
Work went pretty smoothly in terms of cravings except after the rush, which is when I would typically sneak out for a smoke. I was expressing my cravings out loud to my coworker J who knew I was trying to quit smoking. At this point I knew I was going to have one today, just didn't know when exactly. I thought of how hard it would be not to smoke one after work... That's when J said: "I have something for you," and he takes out this tiny little plastic square out of his his wallet, unwraps it and hands it to me. Surely, he had just given me a nicotine patch, "a quarter of one" actually. For some reason the "quarter of" made me feel better about putting it on, as if it couldn't be that bad because it's not the whole thing. The craving went away instantly. Booya! I kept the patch until a couple of hours ago and I feel fine ;) Cigarettes:0; Sab:2
Oh by the way, did I say that I had left my pack of cigarette that has one cigarette left in it at home, on purpose, and without even thinking twice? Yeaaaah. Cigarettes:0 ; Sab:3
Overall, I'm impressed at how much I don't even want to smoke. I'm not saying I don't want to smoke at all, just a lot less than I used to. It's true what they say about the importance of wanting to quit. It's really half the job. Maybe even more. And I'm just taking it one day at a time, because the prospect of today being my first day as a non smoker kinda weirds me out... But at the same time, I hope it's what it turns out to be.
Ok, I know I have a few more hours hanging out at the house before bedtime but I'm not about to screw it all up for a pathetic cigarette so I'm confident we can call today a cigarette-free day! And although I was against it in the first place --I'm just scared of heart attacks for some reason-- I went to Walgreens after work and got my fix of chemical nicotine gum, mint flavor, that I have not tested yet... Tomorrow maybe?

Days until my birthday: 52
Days without cigarettes: 1
Weight: It's gotta be the same as yesterday...

How it all started and why it has to end

Days before my birthday: 53

Days without smoking: 0

Weight: 140Lbs.

I've been smoking for eight years. That's a long time!! And I need to think back to when it all started before I can say goodbye forever. Do I remember my first cigarette? No. Do I remember why I started? Not really. I know it wasn't peer pressure because all my friends started smoking 2-3 years before I ever touched a cigarette and I used to be proud of that! Doesn't mean much now... And yes, I grew up in France so 90% of my friends were smokers. Anyway, in a few months I went from stealing a couple of cigarettes from my mom (without her knowledge of course) to buying my own pack, and before I knew it I was a smoker, and quitting wasn't easy. Not that I ever really tried. But somehow I always thought I would quit at some point, at least when/if I was ever pregnant. Now I'm 25 and single, and I see no babies in my near future so I can't count on being preggers to do the right thing.
Why now? Well, like a lot of smokers I think I'm just tired of it all: the taste and smell, the cost, standing alone outside and especially the fact that I'm way too young to have a smoker's cough and stains on my teeth. Yes, we all know the health risks related to smoking but until you actually see or feel the effects on your own body it doesn't really sink in. I'm still in good health, and I want to keep it that way.
As for my smoking habits, being sick for over a week definitely helped me bring it down a lot... averaging two a day for the last four days (ok I had three yesterday...) and after smoking half a pack to a pack a day at the end of 2009 I have to say I'm pretty happy. But I have yet to go one day without touching a cigarette. I never thought I could quit cold turkey anyway so I might have to go through different methods before I succeed. Next stop: Walgreeens for some nicotine gum!
Oh and to keep my eyes on the prize I posted some photos to remind me why I'm doing this...